Memory Lane

It was supposed to be an ordinary trip to the bookstore to see if they would buy back any of my old law books.

It turned into a trip down memory lane.

I haven't been down to the neighborhood where the law school is, Hyde Park, in quite some time. I went to a double Barbri session in mid-June, which made up for the missed class on graduation day the Friday before, but that was the last time I had set foot in the area. I remember that the last time I was there, I just wanted out. I didn't want to go back there. I was tired of driving down there all the time. I was so glad when that day of Barbri was over, because after I drove home, I knew I had no reason to drive down to Hyde Park and could be content for the rest of Barbri just walking to Northwestern every morning.

So I didn't expect to actually feel some sense of missing the place when I got there this time.

I don't really miss school or classes or the daily need to do homework. (Don't worry - I haven't gone that crazy.) But part of me kind of missed seeing the landscaped curves of Lake Shore Drive, and the waves of Lake Michigan crashing against the rocks on the shore, and I didn't expect it, but I actually felt some sort of loss.

I think the trip down memory lane was helped along by the radio. Someone out there wanted me to take this time, which was just supposed to be an errand, to think about everything that's come before and everything that lies ahead. To remember how it felt, the good parts of the past 3 years, and exactly how much I'm going to miss Chicago.

The weather also helped. It's a balmy 70 degrees and sunny outside. None of that Chicago summer heat and humidity. Just a blue sky with some small cotton balls of clouds floating along, sunlight filtering through the leaves of the trees... a day that makes you never want to leave.

Anyway, back to the memories.

I was getting down to the Hyde Park area, doing my usual run through my preset radio stations, and heard the beginning of Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I like the song, and remember cranking it up on the radio a lot on my drives to and from school this past year. A lot. So, with the song enveloping me in my car, I exited Lake Shore Drive and drove into Hyde Park.

It looked a lot more beautiful than I remembered. Probably having a lot to do with the cooler temperatures and the sunlight, but everything seemed to have a glow to it. (Not really a glow, but I don't know how else to explain it.) As I headed for the bookstore, I felt something like nostalgia welling up inside of me. I knew I didn't miss school itself, but it still felt a little jarring to realize that I was moving on. It was finally setting in that I was leaving. It was real. (Maybe my procrastination with packing also has a lot to do with not yet acknowledging that I'm really leaving.)

Lots of parking spaces were blocked out by the bookstore and I had trouble finding a spot, but unlike usual when I go out of my mind with frustration at looking for street parking, I didn't care. I was in the moment, just driving around the neighborhood, soaking it in for what might be the last time in awhile. (I had only brought a few books back with me to Hyde Park; if there were more I could get money for, I would just bring them back tomorrow.) There was no frustration, and even though I was going in circles, I found that I really didn't mind. I passed the blocks where we had sat late one night coming home from a party during 1st year. I passed the chapel where the law school hooding ceremony was held. I passed the gym where we lined up in our poofy red gowns and tams to line up for the graduation ceremony. I passed the bar where we went after the musical one year. I passed the hospital where I used to go for monthly allergy shots, and as I rounded the corner, I found a spot, just down the block from the bookstore.

As expected, most of my books are not even being accepted by the bookstore. Also, since the quarter doesn't start for another month, most professors haven't even put in their book orders, so they can only go by the wholesale prices. Oh well. I'm not going to be around long enough to wait for them to put their orders through. I gave the bookstore any books for which they'd give me more than $20, because those wouldn't be worth packing and moving to NY. (The ones where they only want to give me $6, I'm willing to give those a try at selling some other way.) They got 2 books.

I left the bookstore, and decided not to drive straight home. I drove past the law school. It was empty. Took some pictures of it. Probably couldn't go in, and didn't want to go in. That phase is over. I think I never really felt the finality of all during graduation because we were still in the midst of bar studying, sort of an extension to law school in a sense. Even if I have to take the bar again, it will be different. It won't feel like an extension of the law school phase at all, especially because I'm not in Chicago, but also because bar review won't have started in the middle of finals!

Then, since it was about 2 pm, I decided to do what I used to do for lunch all the time in law school. I never really liked sticking around in the too-crowded lounge for lunch, so I often just drove to clear my mind and relax, and went to some fast food drive-thrus. Why not do it for old times' sake, since everything seemed to be about memories at this point? (I also just wanted onion rings.)

Heading to Burger King, the Eurythmics' Sweet Dreams came on the radio. That song reminds me of elementary school. I used to take a bus to a school about 3 or 4 neighborhoods over, and after most of the kids got off at this one development, there were only about 6 of us on the bus. We used to like to sit in the back, and this one kid, a fifth grader (when we were in 1st or 2nd) used to like to pretend he was a rock singer. For some odd reason, I remember him singing this song. Elementary school memories! Goodness, what an afternoon.

After Burger King, I headed back home. It was a nice scenic drive on the lakefront. Everything was sparkling and pretty. The lake was that beautiful aquamarine color that shows up in all the brochures. The skyline was visible from the south side, not blocked by the summer haze. Bike riders were out and the landscaping was actually green and flourishing. There weren't that many bad drivers around me on the road. The hill that drops you toward downtown offered up a great view of the city. The fountain bubbled along happily. Some boats cruised the harbor. And Sublime's Santeria turned up on the radio after I exited for home.

That song was sort of an anthem during my pre-college program about 8 years ago. I don't remember why, but my floor of my dorm played it all the time. So I associate it with the program, which is one of my best memories from my teenage years. Sigh, so long ago.

So, on this drive, we have elementary school, pre-college and law school. There were also some college songs, but I get general college nostalgia on a regular basis and last night was in a chat room with a bunch of Yalies. And spent awhile on Friendster looking up high school people. And junior high school people. I guess within 24 hours, I've covered it all.

I really miss people and the way things were sometimes. And I've been pretty bad about keeping in touch. I think this week I should go write some emails.

Here's to the nights we felt alive... Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry... Here's to goodbye... Tomorrow's gonna come too soon...