Cinco

Coming out of Barbri today, I ran smack into a line of tense about-to-be LSAT takers. They were lined up through the entire Northwestern lobby to get their room assignments and directions. It hit me when I finally got outside (into the humid summer heat) that it feels like a really long time since I was in their shoes.

Relatively speaking, it might be. I took the LSAT in June 2001, back home in NY at the local college. The LSAT was in 2 rooms - where you took the test depended on what time you got there; there were no pre-assigned rooms. It felt rather laid-back; I'm not sure if it's because there was no atmosphere of hypercompetitiveness or because everyone there was a stranger to me, so I wouldn't have noticed had that atmosphere been there. (I'm inclined to think it's a little of both, because I've taken tests in rooms of strangers before and sometimes you could just feel the tension. Or maybe I'm just remembering it as being a lot better than it was.) There were regular classes going on down the hall and maybe even some gardeners doing work outside the window. This rosy memory feels like it was ages ago.

I don't think that, at that point, I could have ever imagined being in the place I'm in now. Would I ever have predicted that I'd find myself in Chicago for law school? Doubtful. I didn't even know whether I'd do well on the LSAT, much less where I could get myself admitted. And I'd never even been to Chicago. I wouldn't know how to imagine it beyond what I'd seen on Oprah. And look at life now. I've been here for 3 years, I have a job, it's graduation week (if I could only pass my classes... I'm still in fear), and I'm studying for the bar instead of the LSAT. Things change so fast.

Yet some things remind you of the past even before you're confronted with them head-on. For example, today in Barbri we covered future interests. While we worked through the different estates and future interests, it came back to me that I actually liked this when we did it in property class. It was like a puzzle. Sure, there are some elements of rote memorization and I felt totally lost at points, but it was actually kind of fun working through the puzzles. And as I sat in the chilled lecture hall at Barbri thinking about this, I started realizing that what future interests really reminded me of: my favorite section of the LSAT, those logic games.

Now, I know a LOT of people who detested logic games. I, on the other hand, thought they were fun, and (intelligently or not) would work through them instead of working on other sections of the LSAT that I was, let's say, not as good at. (It all comes from these logic puzzle magazines I used to get as a kid. I guess I've just always found them fun.) Clearly, everything worked out fine with the LSAT, but I hope I don't get as attached to future interests questions because I really doubt there will be as many of them.

I don't think I even realized the LSAT was today when I was sitting in lecture. (Maybe I'm just oblivious.) I totally forgot that it was held on a Monday and for some reason, was thinking it was on the weekend whenever I saw the "proctor the LSAT" signs around Northwestern. Looking out at all those anxious faces on line for the exam... all I could think was that things really do repeat themselves. After all, what was I doing at Northwestern? Bar review.

For some inexplicable reason, this whole experience has sort of inspired me to get stuff done today. (Yeah, I don't get it.) I'm going to type up today's notes, finish NY Practice and make some progress on questions. At least that's the plan.

But all of this bar stuff still hasn't taken its place in the forefront of my mind just yet. I'm still fixated on the fact that I need 4 more grades to graduate. And that since the last time I posted about grades, I have had no new grades posted. I even cleared my home phone answering machine (it used to just blink because I never checked my messages) just in case the school called with bad news. Grades were supposedly due at the end of last week. But my transcript is still looking a little too empty for my liking.

Of course, I'd rather it be empty than a failing grade. But I really really really want (and need) to pass them all. Graduation is so close... yet so far away.

And with that anxiety out on my blog yet again, I am going to have lunch and get started with work. And probably check my grades every half-hour even though I know that nothing is going to change.