Reflecting

Sitting in the kitchen packing up my candy into tiny ziploc snack bags (my "quiet snack"), it's finally hitting me that this is really happening. It's really here.

The whole experience has felt a little surreal. Working towards this big huge exam, everyone telling stories about it, preparing you as much as possible for something that really still is this big unknown. Sure, we know generally what it's like and how much time to spend doing certain things and the subjects that are on it, but really, it's still one big black box (at least to me). Just like you don't really know what going to law school or studying for the bar is like until you're doing it, I think the same is probably true for the bar. You can prepare as much as possible, but you can't really know.

So I just have to believe that I've done what I can, I'm putting my best efforts out there, and whatever happens is meant to happen. All you can do is your best, right? So I'm going to just believe and hope that my best is good enough to pass. And there's a lot to be said for moral support. Knowing that there's people out there who so strongly believe that you can do this, even not really knowing anything at all about how your studying has been going or even what exactly you need to study, is so encouraging. Because even when you feel like you're at your absolute lowest and know nothing, you're reminded of their faith in your abilities, your strength, your adaptability. I know it sounds cheesy, but after seeing a whole bunch of family this weekend, it's just really nice to be reminded that there's all these people who just believe in you. Especially in this last final push toward the Big Day.

That said, as difficult as this process has been, it's kind of nice to see it all come together in so many ways. First, on a personal level, it's kind of amazing to see how much law we've gone through in so short a time and just how it's all coming together. No, I don't know everything I could know, but I probably never will. But I've picked up things in Wills and Con Law (two classes I never took), and even Personal Property (a Barbri "garbage topic") that really make me feel like a more well-rounded person when it comes to the law. It's no secret that the bulk of my classes were business-related (although, outside of income tax, I avoided tax as much as I could), and filling in all the gaps in other areas just makes me feel more "educated" in a sense.

And then, there's this whole process. Everyone pretty much going through the same thing at the same time with the same fears and the same anxieties working toward the same goal. It's been said that it's sort of a hazing ritual before you're allowed to become a lawyer, and in a sense, that's true. And as painful as it may have been at times, there's really something fulfilling about it as a shared experience. (OK, maybe I'm alone in feeling this way.)

Some of my favorite moments throughout law school have been those shared experiences. 1L, with everyone tackling law school for the first time, taking the same classes, griping about the same things. There was sort of this feeling of solidarity among us as a class (helpful since we were under 200 people) that was just never the same once people disappeared into their separate paths in 2L and 3L, with some gravitating toward business, some toward civil rights, others wrapped up in their journals or clinics. There's some people I saw maybe once a year in passing that I used to see everyday in 1L. Another time was OCI, everyone in suits and trying to get a job. Stressful, yes, but the whole class was there over those 2 weeks in the same small building. Again, going through the same thing at the same time before dispersing to their separate cities. And then there was the final push toward graduation, everyone just ready to be done, counting the minutes until it was all over. And now there's this. Shared on a level that goes beyond any individual school, but nationwide. It's nice knowing you have company on the journey.

And with that - best of luck to everyone this week! It's been great being able to share in this whole process with others, feeling like you're not alone even though all this studying is so incredibly isolating. Thank you. Everyone's worked so hard and been through so much - we can all do this! And on Thursday night, we can have the best night's sleep in a long time. (And I can finally crack open Harry Potter!)

So, take care. Good luck. And see you on the other side. :)